Sunday, August 10, 2008


It's all or nothing with me.....perfect house or i'm a complete disaster....

So i've decided that it's not going to be all or nothing anymore, just something. My new aim is to do something and not be stressed about it, i am so sick of my moods being controlled by the state of the house. The house is not going to change in a hurry but maybe my attitude can become a bit easier and a bit less rigid. Then maybe I can start enjoying my days a bit more instead of being pushed and harried and buggered all the time!!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

making my peace

I woke up at 3.40 this know, as you do...and thought about what my husband and I had been talking about before i went to bed. He asked me if i had an alright day and i said that i had, but that i always get to the end of my tether by the end of the day, i get absolutely exhausted. I was thinking about that this morning...and i realised that i need to make peace with my life, i need to stop fighting and pushing, i need to accept what is.

But it is so different to what i expect and what i want...well, is it? Maybe not, actually. Reality is actually a bit of a mystery to me, i seem to live in the world of shoulds and expectation much more often. I need to start exploring my reality more, and even being grateful for it!

But even more thgan that, my life just IS. There is very little i can do to change anything, no, not pessimistic, just realitic, so i will be much happier and more at peace if i can learn to accept and make the best of what i have, which is wonderful :-)

Monday, June 23, 2008


No - not the band :-)

I am working pretty diligently on balance...and am feeling more at peace with me and the house and my committments...not always and not 100percent but better, i'm making progress.

The house still does bother me somewhat, because of what people would think if they saw it, and because it is not a peaceful place to be, it is not a calm relaxed place, it is crazy and cluttered and distracting. BUT - i realised that i always have an oasis within. I am going to endeavour to be my oasis and that can never be taken away.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

my soul plan

Am a bit excited!!

I journalled the other day on good old-fashioned paper about plans...I know that when i stick to my weight loss plan then i lose weight. I've been at it long enough to see that it works if i persist with it as best i can, never give up, and keep coming back without guilt or pressure. My best is good enough, I've lost 10 kilos, albeit over 17 months, but i've been successful because it hasn't been torturous, and i've set in place some habits which will be lifelong, such as regular exercise, weighing, healthy snacking etc, i know what works for me.

So i realised that i could put what i've learned about weight loss plans into practice re the housework, one of the other big issues in my life. What if i made a plan, stuck to it every day as best i could, without guilt or pressure...Well i have, and already after a few days i feel a lot better. I don't know what it is about this plan that has clicked, heaven knows i've made a zillion plans in the past and never stuck to them....oops i've just inadvertantly stumbled across it: i never stuck to them!! Lol - nothing like a lightbulb moment on the go!! I know that pretty much any sensible plan for anything will work...just do it!!

And the other important point which deserves its own paragraph...once you've made the plan, shutup and get on with it! ie, stop worrying about it, whether it's the right one, whether it will work, how will i get all this stuff done etc etc....if you stick to the plan every day as best you can then the work will get itself done and results wll magically appear!! Yay!! Slightly tongue in cheek there but you get my drift i hope :-)

So now i'm going to create a SOUL PLAN...a plan or a list of things to remember and keep at the front of my mind to nurture my soul. I feel that i really need some nurturing at the moment, and i need it from me.

- if you do what you've always done you'll get what you've always got! ie something has to change, and i know it can happen with practice and committment
- today is a gift not a burden
- go with the flow, don't over plan, life doesn't work like that, and it stifles my freedom to choose and the gift of living in the moment. Also - don't think! you'll sink! just go.....with the flow.....
- all things
- be yourself, stop worrying about fitting in with others, stop worrying about missing out, live according to your own values and needs and committments, you are free to choose!!
- it's ok to open up to people rather than shy away...most will care, your real friends will
- work smarter not harder
- no whips or cattle prods!!
- do i really have too much to do or is it just my attitude?
- there is no magic formula for anything
- it's not your fault
- no black and white or all or nothing thinking
- there is no right or wrong decision, just do it!
- don't focus on fatigue!
-no doubts, no guilt, learn to trust yourself and go with what feels natural and right for YOU
- practise self-care all the time, every deserve it, you're worth it, you need it....get over your perfectionism and ridiculously high expectations!!

Monday, May 26, 2008

What do I really really really want?

Have a look at this:

You have to have 3 reallys apparently! It was a very interesting post...makes ya think!

So what do I really really really want? Not what should I want....what does my gut say?

- acceptance of me
- a cleaner house
- peace internally
- another baby
- more balance in my life, less rushing...less STUFF to do
- to be able to live on what money we have and stop racking up credit
- to stop living according to others and not be scared of letting go of other people

So maybe i should focus...could focus...on these things, and put my energy into the life i really really really want :-)

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Being me

Quick thought....if my children see me being me....then they will hopefully be more confident to be themselves. Wow!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

My fault?

Well I am struggling a little the moment and I just wanted to say:

Why is it always my fault?

ie, i'm not good enough, i don't work hard enough, i'm not a loving enough parent or a good enough wife etc always comes back to being some failure of mine.

Well i'm here to tell myself - IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!

It's just the way it is. The world is the way it is, i am the (imperfect) way i am and shit happens - sorry :-). The good news is I can stop struggling on the spot or looking back or wondering why and take action. I can always take action, whatever, whoever and whyever.